What the ’F’ You Should Know About the People You Date
The Flavor of Love show has been off the air for over five years but its popularity has not faded. I first started using The Flavor of Love show as an example in my workshops to illustrate the importance of learning as much as you can about your date through different dating activities. Now, I’m doing an entire workshop on being the producer of your own dating reality show.
In my new Flavor of Love show workshop I focus on learning the personal characteristics of your date. You need to learn how your date behaves in different situations. To make things simple I broke them down to three areas all starting with F. Here are three things you should learn about the person you are dating that you can’t just ask them. These things you can only find out by dating them and having a variety of dating activities.
1. Finances. How they spend money. Learning how a person spends money is a lot different than finding out how much money a person has. I was as young as eighteen when I learned the difference between buying a house and an expensive car. Cars are expenses while houses are investments. Houses appreciate and cars depreciate. Cars lose money once you drive them off the lot. Buying a flashy car is one of the easiest things a man can do to attract women but it can be a MAJOR distraction for women. Granted most people don’t understand finances so I’m not suggesting that you need to conduct a full investigation. What you can do to learn about a person’s spending habits is to pay attention to how much thought they put into the things they buy. Are they an impulse buyer, do they buy based on trends or do they buy the most expensive version of a product. You need to learn how their spending contrasts to your own. Learning your date’s spending habits can be as simple as asking them why they are buying their next large purchase. This personal characteristic can give you a clue to a person’s comfort level. There are no guarantees anybody will have money forever but people who think about their spending and are not just following trends may not be able to deal with the economic lows of life.
2. Frustration. How they get mad and handle stress. One of my favorite TV shows the Honeymooners had an entire show on anger management. Ralph Kramden was known losing his temper he would do a lot of things to control his anger. To control his language he would say things like “bang zoom straight to the Moon!” and “One of these days ... one of these days ... Pow! Right in the kisser!” To control his behavior he learned a calming phrase “pins and needles, needles and pins. Its a happy man that grins.” That worked for Ralph Kramden but in the real world people control their anger differently. Face it everyone gets mad or upset at some point and if you meet somebody who doesn’t that maybe another problem. Learning how the person you are dating handles their stress is crucial. You need to pay close attention to your date’s road rage or other anger reactions. Some people believe a punch is a just reaction to getting punched while other people may try to sue the person who hit them. Some people may turn the other cheek. In dating its not so important to see if your behavior can rub off on the person you’re dating as it is to make note of their regular reactions. Sometimes couples get so overwhelmed with lust that they don’t pay attention to clear anger management issues. I hear people talking all the time about who the person they are dating beat someone up for looking at them. This is the classic jealous boyfriend scenario. When I watch TV shows like The Real Housewives of New Jersey or Basketball wives I feel so happy that I didn’t marry a woman who gets violent like those women. Some people get mad at something somebody does at work and then they come home and take it out on their family. I wouldn’t want to be with somebody like that either. Frustration behavior is very important to survey while dating so go out and get stuck in traffic or spill some milk and see how your date reacts.
3. Friends. Past relationships. Learning about your friends of the person your dating is so important I could write an entire book about it. I think of the saying “Birds of a feather flock together.” I believe this to be true. Meeting your date’s friends is good for a few reasons. You can see what type of people your date feels are important enough to be friends with. You can find out the kind of people who like your date. And most importantly you can learn things about your date that your date may not tell you. I joke in my workshop telling women that they could be dating a guy like Chris Brown. I say “do you think a guy is going to tell you he beat the hell out of their last girlfriend or are they just going to say their last girl didn’t understand them?” Friends are your support team. It is more important to listen to your date’s friends and get to know them than it is to try to get them to like you. How they feel about you is important but your date’s friends have you date’s interest and feelings in mind not yours. So, do yourself a favor and learn what you need to about your date so you can determine if you are dating future spouse.
This is perfect time for me to remind you of my dating motto. Dating is your first line of defense from disease and DRAMA.