I am a promoter of women approaching the men they like.  I think the dynamics of the world today actually demand for it.  A lot of people remain old fashioned and feel that the roles of men and women are etched in stone.  If you expect me to be that conservative then you don’t know me.  I am the Hip Hop dating coach. I promote a non-religious form of dating.  So of course I am cool with women taking the first step.  And to further my support of my sisters here is a list of tips to aid you in your quest for love and happiness.

  1. Don’t say anything sexual. This is a bad habit of women who approach men and I wanted to address this first. Mentioning anything sexual to a man is not a problem if you want to just have a sexual relationship but I don’t give advice for those types of relationships.  If you are looking for a relationship that can go the distance then you don’t want it to start with over the top sexual energy.  If a woman approaches a man and gives the hint to anything sexual it will trigger the instincts of men who are looking for an easy lay.  Now not all men want to meet easy to have sex with women but after you trigger the sexually instincts of a man you just met they will seem like are they are generally interested in you. Instead of trying to get to know all of you they will be thinking about just having sex with you.  It is hard to tell the difference between a booty bandit and a man who you have more potential with after they you make them think of you as more of a sexual object.  Sex is a given in America so you don’t have to help it out.
  2. Complements always work. This is a guaranteed interest getter.  Complements are a subtle way of saying I see you.  Now once again its not a random complements that work it is a complement on a something that connects to a personal characteristic of the person.  Complementing someone’s outfit complements the person’s fashion taste.  Complementing the type of drink the person has recognizes the person’s taste in drinks.  However, complementing someone’s body may not work because unless they exercise or are a bodybuilder complementing their body doesn’t speak to the person’s personality.  Complementing someone’s physical characteristic can easily be misperceived as a sexual come on and then I refer you back to my first point.  
  3. Think about how you know the person. Are they a total stranger or are they a friend or a person you know?  This is gives you a possible lead.  If you don’t know the person then all you can make are assumptions about them. With these people you don’t know then you need to observe them and where they are. All of the things you notice should help you formulate a good approach and opening line. If you know the person then you must use that to you advantage.  You also need to factor in if you know them they also know you.  You need to think about what you know about them and what they know and think about you.  If you at somewhere that is uncharacteristic of you then you can lead in with a comment on it.  If you are somewhere you frequent then that gives you an advantage.  You can use your knowledge to think of something relevant to say.
  4. Use the environment to your advantage. When I’m suggesting you use the environment I’m talking about are they in a place where you can talk or a place like a theater or a bus terminal.  Depending on the environment you may need to make a more direct approach.  If you are at a theater or a bar where the person you are interested in may not be leaving right away.  If you have time you may want to be less direct with your approach.  If you are in an environment where like a train station and you are not getting on the same train it is sort of understandable that you cut past the pleasantries and move fast. You can simple make an opening comment, get a positive reaction and then share your contact information with them.  It does seem like a lot pressure but it can also make things easier.  When you don’t have a lot of time and you’re in a public place where the chances of you seeing the person again are minimal then you can be fearless.  You can say whatever your most daring lines are without the risk of a long period of embarrassment. 
  5. Is he in a group with other men or alone? If you are interested in talking to a person and they are in a group of people you have to take that into consideration.  When you approach a person who is in a group you have to acknowledge all of the people.  If they are having a conversation and they are talking loud enough for you to hear them then you can join in the conversation or pull the person out of the conversation.  If the person is alone it still something you need to is a factor. 
  6. Listen for interest clues in his words and actions. In the pickup artist community they call it IOIs. Indicator of Interest. IOIs are very important  for people to pick up on when they are talking to someone they are interested in.  If you can pick on an IOI early you can adjust your conversation to build on the attraction.  If you are getting strong IOIs then you can move the dating activities forward.  IOIs are things like smiles or laughing at your comments and asking probing questions about the things you are saying.  IOIs can even the sharing of personal information.  The only caution is that friendly people can seem like they are giving off IOIs when they are not.  Determining what an IOI is takes a little experience.  You may not get it right away.  Thinking something is an IOI and it isn’t will only get you an IOR (indicator of rejection) so be cautious.
  7. Accept rejection and friendship interest. This tip is at the heart of this list because it breaks the will of the person. Rejection sounds so harsh.  I like to look at rejection as the revelation that you are not a match for each other. A lot of dating stress is caused when people try to push pass the indicators that they are not a good fit for the person they are dating.  The problem is people may stem from the fact that people take rejection way to seriously.  One of the main ingredients in a healthy relationship is compatibility.  Accepting the reality of the situation can save you a lot of headache.  We someone doesn’t like you it means just that THEY don’t like you, not that you are not a likeable person.  And people who may not like each other as dating partners can still like each other as friends.
  8. Think of a date proposal. Not just the place but something you can afford if he doesn’t offer. This is the part which may take the most to get used to because it is a total reversal from what traditionally goes on.  No matter whether it is a male or female whomever the initiator of the relationship or who approached who is the lead in the meeting.  When you are leading the meeting then you should be prepared to arrange the first date.  While a few guys may take the lead from you and invite you out on a date others guys may not.  These other guys may still be interested in you but may not want to seem like a guy who wants to pick up every women he meets.  The cool thing about making the plans for the first date is that you can make sure you do something you like.  You can also share apart of yourself to them.  You can take them to your favorite place.  However, just like when men think of the date be prepared to have more than one place or activity for them to choose from.
  9. Buy him a drink. Maybe your favorite drink or another drink of what he is drinking. Even though this is number nine on my list it is my favorite tip. Buying someone a drink is the old customary way of inviting a stranger into a conversation.  Women in the western world are used to guys buying them drinks that most people have forgotten that the person who bought the drink would like to talk to them.  Even though the activity has been watered down over the years it is still a new idea for women.  Lesbian women have been doing this for a long time.  But even with lesbians it is still the butch or the dominant woman who buys the drink.  My suggestion is for women to buy the men they are interested in a drink.  A good idea for the kind of drink to buy someone is to ask the bartender to give them another drink of the same kind they are already drinking.  Another way is to ask the person what kind of drink they would like.  When asking a person what kind of drink they like you should start by asking them if you can buy them a drink first.  Then you can take their suggestion or suggest a drink of your own.
  10. Know what you are talking about. I put this last because even though this won’t happen until after you’ve approached the person it is equally important to think about.  When talking to a person you are interested in the first time you meet them it is important you know what you are talking about.  Now, it is impossible to know everything you could talk about but there are ways to improve your chances.  A lot of single people don’t get out of the house a lot to look for someone to date.  They don’t always know what’s going on in the world of socializing.  So in addition to watching the news and sports news you should also have something you want to talk about.  A guy can talk to any person about the news but if you introduce something you think is interesting you can peek the person’s interest in something you are interested in as well as yourself.