You are the problem!
I cannot count the amount of people I hear complaining about the behavior of men or women. They say things like,
It’s hard to find a good woman because they have screwed up expectations or they have been scorned by messed up men. A lot of women have issues, serious issues.
Jeff I’m just tried because all these men want is sex and all of them have commitment problems. I don’t have high expectations; I just want a man who is like me. If I can go to college then I want a man who has gone to college. I have a good job working for a corporation so I don’t want a man who works at some small-minded job. I want to be able to talk about more than just sports and entertainment.
To all of these people I say it isn’t the world or the selection of single people (a least not yet) that is the problem. YOU are the problem. There are people connecting everyday, according to the CDC there were over two million people married last year.
While reading the various books out in the relationship market one book says everything I like to say just in the title. “Get Over Yourself” written by Patti Novak, star of the A&E series “Confessions of a Matchmaker,” she says that finding true love isn’t about having the right shoes or a flat stomach -- it’s about being ready. In her book, “Get Over Yourself,” she breaks down how to get yourself ready to date by first understanding and fixing your own problems. Identifying your problem behaviors while dating -- figuring out if it’s your tough-girl attitude that’s turning men off, or your controlling behavior that’s turning women off? Novak says “identifying annoying and problematic behaviors -- is a very important step.” And that “Dating trouble isn’t the problem -- it’s a symptom of other problems” and I totally agree. So, to build on her premise here are some of my suggestions for people to improve on before their next date.
1. Accept the reality of the GAME. Face it there are dishonest people who don’t give mutually in relationships and have selfish agendas. Chances are you will run across a dating predator throughout your dating years. Don’t let a few knuckleheads distort your perception of available singles. Just make note of how you met them and how they behaved.
2. Learn how to communicate. No one can tell what your feeling better than you. You must be able to express yourself and be able to critique without being offensive. High school age people level of intelligence and experience is a lot closer to each other. While older singles have experiences much further apart. Often times they find themselves talking so much during dates they feel like their teaching a class. Communication is a combination of talking and listening. It’s like a dance. If I could put people I wanted to in communication classes I would fill classes up in every state.
3. Conquer your flaws. Perfection is an achievement. Humans learn and grow their entire lives. We’re not dogs we can be taught new tricks after we get old. I was 21 years old before I went on a roller coaster. I didn’t learn to enjoy reading fiction novels until I was in my 30s. Living in Miami I had to learn how to explain African American history and behavior with more patience then I ever thought. Now I can talk to people everywhere without getting frustrated over their limited understanding of my people’s experiences. Sometimes people who are single for long periods of time become so good at the things they do that the range of things they do are very limited. They world is very broad and unless you’ve been to every state and country there are still things you can learn to do and experience. If you want to.
4. Bury your baggage. Learn how to use past relationships as historical lessons and don’t allow them to become prejudices. I may blog about this on a separate entry. I am reminded of Beyonce’s song “To the Left” where one of the lines is “I can find another you in a minute.” I think that is not only stupid but very common. Many people do just that, they break up with some one with problems and then go out and find somebody else just like the person they broke up with. People think baggage as just an acquired prejudice but baggage can also be a change in your dating behavior. A break up can cause people to change their racial preference. It can also cause people to react hesitantly and not exercise as much caution as they use to.
5. Improve your health and Wellness. Your body is your temple and the better you treat it the more others will too. Let’s be honest eating chocolates after a break up is not an urban folktale. A lot of people let their single status break them down and allow them to get out of shape. I say take any excuse you can to improve your health. Why not sort out your frustrations on the treadmill or doing a cleanse? It’s your choice what you choose to do with your stress.
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