Tips for The New Bachelor Party

I have been watch these commercials for the movie the Hangover 2 and this other movie Bridesmaid and it made me think of Bachelor parties. As a dating coach I like to limit myself to just giving dating advice and not move into marriage advice. Since men are still single when they hold their bachelor party its within my range to offer advice on this very popular activity. I developed my bachelor party list in 2000 when I was planning my own bachelor party.

Let’s review A bachelor party in America is also known as a stag party. It is called a bull’s party in South Africa and a buck’s party or buck’s night in Australia. A bachelor party is a party held for a man shortly before he enters marriage, to celebrate his “last night of freedom” or merely to spend time with his male friends. American bachelor parties usually involve alcohol and either going to a strip club or hiring a stripper. Some of the activities include hazing-like tests and pranks at the groom’s expense. Sometimes groomsmen take the bachelor on trips to Las Vegas or another country in order to have an even more memorable risky experience. This is extreme type of celebration was showcased in the movie Hangover where the event was held in Las Vegas where the motto is “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” In the movie the wedding went on as normal but in the real world what happens during bachelor parties can ruin wedding and severely compromise marriages. The American dating process is flawed from the first date the Prom to the last date the bachelor party. Every aspect of the process needs to be reviewed and improved if we are to address the divorce rate and the overall dating blues Americans have toward dating. The main goal of these events are to celebrate the groom’s move from bachelorhood to the “more responsible” marital life. That being said I think the popular forms of bachelor parties fall short of honoring the bachelor’s phase transition. Here is my Yo Jeff Bachelor Party please feel free to modify to your tastes. Location: Private room at a restaurant, Bowling alley with party room, Dave and Buster private room or Go Kart games park. You can even have a party at a private house make sure you have it set up as a festive environment.

Audience: Everyone all ages. Parents, Uncles & Aunts, Nieces & Nephews and friends both male & female. I suggest we open these events up to everyone because we have so many people coming from single parented families it would good for everyone to enjoy the fun.

Activities: All of these activities can be done or just one.

Scrap book physical or video. This would all participants to write words of wisdom to the groom to help him enable him to have strong healthy marriage. Example: “Don’t watch TV in bed every night” or “Give each other privacy.” Each person will read their suggestion to the groom while he is sitting in the center of the room. This will be video taped and given to the groom for future reference.

Gifts of wisdom. Participants with give the groom personal gifts not the kind of gifts they would give at the wedding. Example: A relationship book, a magazine subscription, a gift certificate to a sports bar, a personal cereal bowl, a staff, etc. Even a family memento is fine.

Games. Sit the groom in the center of the room and play truth or dare or 20 Questions. The question will be asked from all participants. The party planners will have a bunch of extra questions to ask or dares to do. Example questions: “What’s your favorite, book, movie, song, color” or “What’s your favorite childhood memory.” Dares can be like the following: Eating a vegetable he hates, stand on his head, take a pie in the face or a push ups.

A Roast. This is where all of the participants tell stories and jokes about the groom. Someone should host this event and limit the embarrassing stories. Open to all participants.

Prayer circle. There should be an opening prayer to start the event wishing him blessing on his marriage. The closing prayer should be wishing that his family and friends stay there to support him in times of need and that he has the humility to call on them.

I had my bachelor party at the bowling alley on 42 Street right down from Times Square. I invited everyone even my little cousins who were still in high school. We did the “Gifts of wisdom activity.” It seems so corny when I look at it now but I think when I did it I was so hyped about getting married a bowling party was great. Plus I had my entire family’s attention focused me and that kind of pressure would tame the wildest person. The really enjoyed my last day of being single party, I just wish I had videotaped it. Another suggestion I thought of since becoming a dating coach is to have a marriage counselor on hand who can give out 5 minute sessions. I think the main thing when planning a bachelor party is the long term goal. All of those stories about having a last hurrah and confronting temptation are a waste of time. Last hurrahs are cheating anyway because even thought the groom hasn’t agreed to the vows of marriage they are already engaged and that is monogistic commitment.

Once again thank you for reading my blog and please post your comments and email you questions. coachyojeff@gmail.com