Here is the second part of my explanation of my main piece of advice The Hip Hop Dating Codes. While some people say that relationship advisors don’t follow their own advice I credit myself with following my advice 100%. It was following my advice that helped me find my wife. I also use the fact that I am happily married as a credit. I look at relationship advice the same way I look at any other kind of advice. Take basketball advice for example. Michael Jordan might not be the best basketball advisor but because he was a good basketball player and I believe that he would be better basketball advisor than a person who can’t play basketball. Some advisors in promoting themselves downplay their personal status. They will say it doesn’t matter how their own life is because their advice is proven. I disagree. I feel that the fact that I was able to do the things that I suggest to people that it gives me a better understanding. Therefore, my Hip Hop Dating Codes are at the core of my relationship success. They may seem fundamental and written for children but I assure you that most of the problems that adults (as old as 60) have can be solved by these 10 simple codes.

So, please enjoy the last 5 of my Hip Hop Dating Codes. For 1-5 please check my post from last week.

5. ORAL SEX EQUALS SEX I will understand that sex with the mouth or Oral
Sex is Sex. Sex has three purposes which I call the 3 Rs. Reproduction, recreation and rejuvenation. Sex is the natural way humans reproduce (its sad but with the inventions of science there are other ways to reproduce). Sex is also used recreationally by people. The term casual sex refer to the use of sex as a fun activity between people. Sex can also be rejuvenating. The Indian culture has the oldest text on the human sexual activity. Their concept of Karma Sutra is a belief that sex is not only a form of human bonding but is also capable of healing. The Tantra sexual positions (which oral sex is one) used in the Karma Sutra is better translated as cooperative yoga. Oral sex satisfies two of the three purposes of sex. It conveys emotion which allows it to be both pleasurable and bonding. Oral sex for people who are new to having sex can be the more pleasurable than vaginal sex. Oral sex and anal sex are the primary form of sex for homosexual couples. Oral sex is capable of transmitting disease as well. This is why Oral sex should be accepted as sex and not simply a sex alternative.

6. NO CHEATING I will not be physically intimate with anyone while I am in a
relationship. Cheating is an activity which needs to be addressed individually. While not the main reason for divorce in America infidelity/cheating is a top five cause for divorce. Cheating paranoia is so common it goes unnoticed. In my workshop I ask audiences to finish the sentence “all men are____.” With almost universal agreement people from all over the country, all ages and races finish the sentence with something which refers to the lack of commitment men have to monogamist relationships. The most common answer I get is “dogs”. The urge for males to cheat is so accepted that some people believe that men are not able to be monogamist therefore the belief in marriage is now fading. (Whether or not monogamy is natural for men or women it is still possible.) Just like learning to go to the bathroom on a toilet is learned by 99% of human beings monogamy can be learned. Learning the discipline of sexual commitment helps address the pain and drama in mating that make dating less fun. Cheating is partly responsible for suicide, stress related issues, domestic violence, single parent families, child support and homicide. Learning how to commit to your date and break up with your date is not only good for you it is respectable to the person you are dating and to the overall dating environment.

7. DON’T BE WITH A CHEATER I will not be physically intimate with someone
who is in a relationship. The Bible teaches against coveting thy neighbor’s wife in the tenth commandment but it is also important not covet neighbor’s or other people’s husband, girlfriend or boyfriend. Tre Songz has a song out now called “Mr. Steal you girl” where he boast about being able to have a relationship with someone who is in a relationship with someone else that is so much better that he will make the person leave the person they dating. The negative term “Jezebel” which comes from a scandalous political figure in Hebrew history and is associated with women who used their sexual energy to lure and manipulate men. Now if the bible or being called a jezebel doesn’t keep your hands off people in relationships then maybe folklore like the old saying of karma. “What goes around comes around.” Meaning if a person is willing to cheat with you they are more than likely willing to cheat on you. Today there are internet stories of single people who specifically date married people. While they make it seem glorious many of them are scorned and date this way because they have given up on traditional relationships. Dating people who are in relationships is not just emotional dangerous but you put bad vibes out on your potential relationship it is also physically dangerous. If you watch any episode of the TV show Cheaters or an old Jerry Springer show you will notice that the people who are cheated on don’t limit their frustrations to just the person who they are dating but many times they go after the people they were cheating with. So, for all of those reasons being with people who are in a relationship is not a good practice.

8. BALANCE YOUR ATTRACTION I will not choose to date based solely on the
physical appearance of the person I am attracted to. Our attractions become imbalanced from the time we are children. Hearing stories about Knights in shinning armor where they sweep the young maiden off her feet, to live in a big castle, happily ever after distort our values of the male’s role. The story of a sleeping beauty who is waiting for her hero to deliver loves first kiss offset our values of what female’s role should be. It is these stories which promote the most common shallow values which fuel the problems people have choosing the life partners they have deep connections with. The shinning armor symbolizes money so are young girls want men with nothing but money. Just like the maiden they don’t worry about how the Knight treats them or talks to them only how much bling bling he has. The sleeping beauty makes our boys want a girl who is just attractive. Just like the hero who waits the beautiful girl they don’t worry about anything else. Not how smart the beautiful girl is or how comfortable he feels around her. Since we all hear both of these stories we need to commit ourselves to making sure we are have a balanced attraction to the person we are dating. We should balance both the physical with the personal. Too much physical attraction leads to unexpected pregnancy, single parent family and child support. Too much personal attraction leads to divorce and infidelity problems. So, no matter how big her Kim Kardashian ass is or how big his boat is make sure you have a balance connection with the person.

9. DON’T SEDUCE I will not seduce anyone into being physically intimate against
their will. I love to talk to men about seduction because men are socialized to feel that creating the romance is their responsibility. We even circulate stories of magic words which can make a women jump in the bed with you. Well there is a a pill which tries to do that it’s called the DATE RAPE PILL. The reality is that too much seduction is rape. There is a thin line between setting up your room for a romantic evening with like Rick James said “Incents, wine and candles” and what Jamie Foxx said in his song “Blame it on the alcohol.” See if you leave your love preparation at just setting up the ambience and letting the women or partner take the lead from there in your good, no problem. The problem is many people get it twisted and think their hospitality guarantees that sex will follow and if it doesn’t then they are doing something wrong and have to try harder. Trying harder adds to the frustration and with the mixture of alcohol you setting yourself up for a tragedy or a least a big let down. When you go to court the judge doesn’t send the “Gray Goose that got her feeling loose” to jail the judge sends you. So it is important that we understand that sex is best when the two people agree on having it and any other way is rape.

10. DON’T BE SEDUCED I will decide for myself when I want to become
physically intimate and not let anybody else make that decision for me. Now I feel that when a women says no it should be respected but I also know that women say “no” and they sometimes mean “not right now.” Sure that can be confusing for your partner but they should be able to respect whatever you say. The problem with saying “no” and not really meaning it or letting some good seducer change your mind is that the decision to have sex is to risky and dangerous for you to allow some else to make the decision for you. Good seducers know how to use your hormones and drugs to get you in bed. Many of these seducers do not have your health and feelings in mind. Pick up artist only want to have sex with people to tell people about it or just to make themselves feel good. The best time to say no is when you get out of the car not after you let the date up into your room. Once you allow someone into a place where sex can take place they simple turn on the mojo again. So, if you really don’t want to have sex with someone then don’t just think saying no is all you have to do. Make sure you don’t put yourself in an environment where you can get seduced. You might wake up with a STD or a baby on the way.