Wow, I can’t believe what I’m giving advice on. Losing virginity! What? I don’t know how I came to the idea of offering advice on having your first sexual experience. If there’s one area of love parents should talk to their children about, how to lose their virginity should one of them. Since the world is not perfect most parents don’t. Even the parents who do talk to their children only talk to their female children. Before I wrote these tips I ran them past a few friends. This time it was a couple of mothers on Miami Beach. They both had male and female children however, each one of their comments started with “I tell my daughter.” Everyone seems to be worried about their female children so much they fail to think of anything to say to their male children. Even when you find that rare parent who does tell their child something about sex, it’s usually warning about things boys will try or dangerous girls.
I lost my virginity in 1985 to a girlfriend I was about to break up with. It was two weeks before I was going to college around the time of my 18th birthday. Since my girlfriend didn’t tell her father she had a boyfriend he didn’t let her go to the prom with me. When I found out she was dating me on the down low I got mad and then I found out she wasn’t a virgin then I really felt neglected. I wanted to break up with her right there but she said she would have sex with me and I changed my mind. So there we were on the living room floor of one of my friend’s house. My friend was upstairs with his girlfriend and we were downstairs. I don’t remember being nervous. The first thing I noticed was a real vagina was softer and warmer than I’d imagine. Even through the condom it felt very good. I enjoyed every minute of it and she must have enjoyed it too because we had sex again a few minutes later in my friend’s bathroom. The wild thing was she never knew I was a virgin. I never told her and she never asked. A few weeks later I broke up with her and went to college. My experience wasn’t the best but after talking to people it was better than most.
I remember when I was in a poetry workshop one time and the facilitator asked a question to open us up and get us emotional. The question was how did we lose our virginity? While listening to the stories I was amazed at how most of the people had bad first time experiences. For some girls it was rape. My story was so fun and enjoyable I didn’t want to tell it. I did tell my story and made me feel stronger. I was sorry other people had bad experiences I wished they could have had an experience like mine. I think experiences like that back then is what gave me the urge to help people with dating and sex advice now.
After searching the internet and finding only a few suggestion mostly for people with HIV, I decided to take on this responsibility and put a list of tips parents can use or people who are virgins can use. These are tips are for both males and females, gay or straight and old and young people can use.
- Have it with someone who really likes you. Do choose someone who you like more than they like you. Girls sometimes choose the older boy or the hot jock to lose it to just because they seem more experienced. I don’t think it is a good idea to have it with a person just because you think their experience will make your first time better. What makes sex the most enjoyable it can be is when you have it with someone who is caring and respects you. Older boys and jocks may have a lot of sex and may not value you as much as you will value you them. This is equally important for boys as it is for girls.
- Date the person for a while and don’t lose it to someone your first meet. Before I lost my virginity I had told a story about losing my virginity on summer vacation. Those type of stories were very popular. Even though those stories are mostly lies some people do chose to lose their virginity to casual acquaintances. Some of them believe that because they won’t have to see the person again that it will make it easier. Having sex with strangers is always dangerous especially the first sexual experience. Sex is a very risky activity therefore one of the first things you should always do is to make sure you have it with someone you know. Having sex with someone you don’t know well is a risk no one should take.
- Let the person know it is your first time. A lot of guys like me have had people believing I have lost my virginity years before I really did. While that may be good for social interaction it doesn’t make a big difference when you’re losing your virginity. It may make the person more sensitive. For girls who haven’t broken their hymens it is very important to tell the boy you plan on making your first because the hymen membrane will take a little more force to break. Also there may be a little blood and that would freak a guy out if you didn’t tell them first.
- Have it in a nice place. The safest place to have sex is in a bedroom with a bathroom nearby. People remember their first sexual experience for the rest of their lives. The more fun you make it the better sex life you will have. You are better than the back seat of a car or the floor of a friend’s house.
- Bring your own protection. Whether you’re a boy or girl relying on the person you’re going to have sex with to bring the contraceptive is not a good idea especially on your first time.
- Make sure it is something YOU want to do. Do not start having sex because you want to please the person you are dating or because you think everyone else is doing. You should start having sex because YOU want to. Not because you found the right person or anything else. Have it because you feel you are ready for whatever may come from it. Every sexual experience risks disease transfer, pregnancy and emotional transfer. The only way to protect yourself 100% from STDs or pregnancy is to not have sex.
- Learn how to please yourself. Yes Yo Jeff is suggesting that both boys and girls should masturbate. This is different for boys than it is for girls. Boys learn how their bodies release their fluids without much effort. Many times they start having wet dreams and play with themselves years before they lose their first sexual experience. Masturbation is equally important for girls to do. Sex is an activity or pleasure and the best way to make sure you get pleasured by the person you first have learned how to please yourself. The biggest benefit of masturbation is that you learn what pleases you and what feels good to your body. When you learn what stimulates your body the better you can show someone else how to bring you to that point of pleasure that make sex so much more enjoyable.
One of the hardest tips for me to add on this list was masturbation because it is so controversial. I believe masturbation can combat the sexism in sex which explains why women don’t regularly achieve orgasms and men do. Many women don’t know that they can have an orgasm let alone what it feels like to have one. After they give themselves one they will ask their lovers to do the same. I often say American sex is like mutual masturbation because it sometimes is a “you get yours first” competition. In American sex people don’t make pleasing their partner a goal of having sex. Good sex is when masturbation is cooperative and each person helps the other achieve orgasms and satisfaction. Therefore, masturbation used early before sexual activity begins can bring an end to the “wham bam thank you maam”, unfulfilling, foreplay less sex.
As always please hit me with your feedback and comments. I aim to help and your comments let me know how, of a job I am doing. firstname.lastname@example.org