Q: How do you get a man to share his feelings about your relationship without becoming a nag? I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for almost a year and half and he never wants to discuss anything about our relationship. Sometimes, I think he feels our relationship is one long date. If that’s what he’s thinking. I’d really like to know so I don’t waste any more time dating him. At my age, 33, I’m looking for more than just a dating partner.
A: Most people know what they need to say to their mates; they just need to know how to say it. How about telling your man that you’ve been together for almost a year and a half, and you care about him deeply, but you sometimes feel like your relationship is one big, long date. You, at age 33, want more. You don’t want just a dating partner; you want a life partner. There, was that so hard? You just told him what you told me. Of course, you will do it in a nice, soft and loving way. You’ll hold his hand; you might cook him his favorite dinner first. Make him realize that you don’t want to pressure or nag him into a serious, long-term relationship. You just want to bring things out into the open, to make sure you’re both on the same page. The reason you’re afraid of talking about this is that you fear losing him, of coming on too strong. Don’t worry about that. If he’s a Feeling male—a man who is guided by his feelings and values—he will welcome talking about the way he feels about you, even though he may be a little shy about it at first. On the other hand, if he’s a Thinking male—a man who relies on logic and intellect to guide him—then feelings may not be his strong suit; straight talk and logical analysis will be. If he’s a Thinker (two-thirds of men are Thinkers), which it sounds like he is, he’ll respond better if you present things in a logical format. Ask him the following question and give him answer choices A, B and C. Question: “Do you love me and want to marry me?” A: If the answer is “yes”, he needs to go to the engagement store promptly and set a date for marriage. B: If the answer is “no”, you need to go to the locksmith and change any shared locks. The relationship is over. C: If the answer is he’s “not sure”, you will stop having sex with him immediately. You will date platonically for another six months. After six months, you will ask him again. This time, however, you will only give him options A and B. Give your Thinking male clear options and you’ll finally get to the bottom of things. You’ll know the answer to the mot important question of all: Should I stay or should I go?