“My friends and family are my support system. Without them I have no idea where I would be and I know that their love for me is what’s keeping my head above the water.” ~ Kelly Clarkson

I’m not always in distress. But lately, my strength has been diminished. Affecting all my abilities. The weariness comes in waves. The smallest spark of fatigue ignites my fears of disease progression. Leading me to a spiral of self-doubt and anxiety.

As multiple sclerosis jigsaws my abilities, so much of my time is spent trying to put the pieces of my life back together again. Just like a puzzle.

It’s hard being creative while wrestling a MonSter. Trying to breathe with a boot on my neck. Struggling to look pass that pain. Fighting to be normal with my back against the wall. Sulking about my life.

I just want to reach up and grab all the rainbows and sprinkle them on everyone who is struggling with MS. Everyone, like me, who battle every day to keep their sanity.

I remember when good health was forever. I was young and carefree. Every day was like a marvelous dream. My main concern was having fun with my friends.

I guess having a chronic disease can cause one to change priorities.

But despite my persistent wavering, I still have faith in the Universe. I trust there can be no joy when there is acceptance of a dark philosophy. So love has always been my guide. My devotion is my provider. My beliefs have led me to happier feelings.

It channels me to the memories of all the people I have met at my local MS support group. They always welcome me with hugs and kisses. I reflect on the bloggers who write articles that mirror my life experiences. I think about the social media posts of people who are just like me. Those who wall walk, complain about the cost of drugs, and strive despite the odds. They all know what I’m going through. They understand my plight. They help me remember; I am not alone.

This post originally appeared on My New Normals on December 17, 2019. It is republished with permission.