People always asked me what do I mean when I say Hip Hop Dating? They think I’m going to say on the first date you go breakdancing, then you do graffiti on the second night and when you really like the person you write a rap song together. That’s funny but Hip Hop Dating has a much greater purpose than that. Hip Hop Dating is a mixture of cultures and religious dating systems. Just as the Hip Hop subculture mixes music from around the world Hip Hop’s dating system does the same. I developed this Hip Hop Dating style in response to the failings of the existing dating systems. The world has changed so much since the marriage processes of the major religions and cultures around the world were created. These dating and marriage processes worked fine for centuries but now modern countries like America suffer from a 42 percent divorce rate. Out dated rituals like paying the father of the female and maintaining virginity until the wedding night are very difficult and almost unrealistic in this perverted high economic society. The people of today need a dating system that speaks to the overly sexual clothing, abundance of sexually transmitted diseases and the mixture of cultures of the world in 21st century. The Hip Hop Dating style utilizes the wisdom of the past to offer something effective for the modern world. So to better illustrate what I’m talking about I have broken down the core of Hip Hop Dating the Hip Hop Dating Codes to its cultural and religious influences. Just as records have to list all of the songs they sample I will list all of the cultural practices I’ve sampled. The purpose of the Hip Hop Dating Codes was to show people how to be Good Daters and learn how to date without picking up negative behaviors or hurting the people they date.
1. I will only date one person at one time.
Influence: This is taken from The Nile Valley culture of Egypt. In the Kemetic system couples seeking marriage date each other for one calendar year before they join in a marriage. This process is referred to as a Hapi Dance. Named for the God Hapi, God of the Nile river and God of marriage. This will allow couple to see how they connect under all four of the seasons so when they get married they will be as fluid as water.
2. I will not be physically intimate on the first date.
Influence: This is from Indian with the spirit of African culture. The Karma Sutra process is the oldest sexual relationship process in the world. It is a four day process. The first three days is spent talking. Touching doesn’t start until the third night. Most people only know the Tantric sex positions but not the full process. Waiting to have sex it an important tool in protection from STDs. In Africa the teaching of sex within a relationship is being used to fight the spread of HIV. In America most people entrust all of the safety into condoms. When people use smart dating practices like getting to know the person they’d like to have sex with it helps protects them from disrespectful people who would pass them a STD.
3. I will declare my relationship before becoming physically intimate.
Influence: This is taken from American Christianity. The Christian dating system is called Courtship. One of the main characteristics of Courtship is announcing the relationship to the parents. Before the couple meets the parents they first have to agree to a dating relationship. This different than other cultures which require the male asks the female’s father for permission to date his daughter in the American Christian system the two individuals start their relationship themselves first. Defining a relationship helps neutralizes any confusion in whether the sexual act marks the beginning of a relationship or not. People should know whether they are dating or just sex buddies before they have sex because condoms only protect against disease and pregnancy not feelings.
4. I will use birth control until married
Influence: This is from the American culture. Even though Planned Parenthood started in 1916 it wasn’t until their merger with the American Birth Control League in 1942 that pushed the social conversation to the use of condoms as a tool of good sexual health. After the HIV outbreak of the late 80s the use of condoms as a tool for the protection from STDs overshadowed their use as birth control. Some couples stop using condoms once they feel their partners don’t have a STD. However, it is in important for people to remember the importance of birth control even when the fear of disease transfer has been eliminated.
5. I will understand that Oral Sex is Sex.
Influence: This is taken from the Indian culture. Back to the organizers of modern sex the Karma Sutra practitioners. Within the Karma Sutra sex activity is the role of oral sex as an sexual activity. Over time American culture has gone back and forth on the role of oral sex in the total sexual activity. The oral sex confusion was heightened by the incident of Bill Clinton and Monica Lowenski. President Clinton argued that the oral sex he had was not sex. According to the Karma Sutra text oral sex is a sexual activity. This is important for people to understand because while oral sex is not a sexual activity that can get a person pregnant it still allows for the feeling and emotions of vaginal sex to be transmitted. When people use oral sex as an alternative to vaginal sex and not considering it a sexual activity they are a greater risks for STDs. In addition to the risk of disease people who don’t use oral sex as a sexual activity risks emotional connections with people they may not have a relationship with.
6. I will not be physically intimate with another person while in a relationship.
Influence: This is taken from basic Christianity and Judaism. It’s one of the most popular Ten Commandments. It’s so popular that people who are not Christian or Jewish adhere to it. I’m talking about the tenth commandment “Thou shalt not covet your neighbor’s wife.” Even though the seventh commandment says “Thou shalt not commit adultery” it must have been extra important to cover the same thing twice. No matter how many times it is said it is solid dating advice. Don’t Cheat. I felt it was important for people to practice monogamy while dating. It has been my experience that people who commit adultery didn’t start cheating after they got married. They cheated on their girlfriends and boyfriends. So if you want to be a good husband or wife practice being a good boyfriend and girlfriend.
7. I will not be physically intimate with someone who is in a relationship.
Influence: This is from the African America subculture. This is not written anywhere it is a general code of the street. Don’t talk to someone else’s girlfriend or boyfriend is a lifesaving lesson taught in grade school. The name Jezebel comes to mind taken from the Hebrew princess of North Israel who used her sexual lure to maintain power. That may have helped her control the throne but keeping your paws away from people who are involved with other people doesn’t save you from sexual assault or protect you from an STD it can save your life. Being the other man or side chick can get your killed or severely injured. So, it’s a good habit for every single person to adhere to this street code and only date single people.
8. I will not choose to date based solely on appearance.
Influence: This is from Asian and Buddhist belief. Islam is the religion that people think of when it comes to covering women but while the Quran instructs women to cover themselves from head to toe it is not the only religion or culture to do that. In the Quran the rule can also be found in 24:31. Here God commands women not to reveal their beauty spots except what is normally apparent (face, hair, lower arms and lower legs .. etc). That may sound harsh but Jewish women cover and we all know Christian Nuns cover themselves. Even though these customs are extremely unrealistic for a mainstream dating system the idea of not allowing physical appearance to cloud other human attractions is a good thing. Today’s society places to high of emphasis on appearance. I don’t think covering women is the answer for the simple fact they only instruct women to cover themselves. In America men and women are able to select their mates so if men are able to show their abs, arms and other beauty parts women’s selections will be tainted by physical looks.
The Asian culture with its Buddhist practices got my attention because the parents introduce people to their children for them to date. They choose the dates by their personal characteristics. Its not quite an arranged marriage because the children have the option to marry the person or ask for another date. I always like when parents have a role in the selection process however everyone doesn’t have parents that can choose for them. In this modern world people will not let their parents choose dates for them mostly because they want a date who meets their physical desires. So I took out the personal characteristic selection component and emphasized the importance of not choosing based on physical characteristics.
9. I will not seduce anyone into being physically intimate against his or her will:
Influence: This is from Islam. Well not literally taken from the Quran but more so inspired by the practices of Muslims based on the teachings of the Quran. I could not find a religion or culture that offered a specific rule about seduction. What used to be romancing and wooing a potential lover has now gone overboard. While seduction is not rape it is counterproductive to the development of a healthy relationship. Most rape victims know their assailants as a friend or casual acquaintance and maybe victims of date rape. Some religions do speak against rape but I don’t gather it is the date rape kind of rape which is so common now. There are even drugs like “date rape drug” designed to make someone sexually aroused. Seduction is popular now but too much seduction is rape. Islam actually has rules for men about rape but nothing about females raping men. This verse from the Quran speaks to male rape of women. Sarah an Nas 4.119 ’O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will...’
Like with Bible verses some religions offer rules for men that should be for women also. Like this rule from the Quran which guides men to respect the will of women with drugs like Viagra it is also important for women to mind the will of men. Seducing someone is deception and it really doesn’t allow the person the ability to show their true feelings. When the facade wears off it puts the relationship in jeopardy. For relationship to be strong enough to last time they need to start with honesty.
10. I will decide for myself when I want to become physically intimate and not let anybody else make that decision for me:
Influence: This is taken the Native American. One of the things that upset many of the early Christian missionaries was the fact that Indian women were allowed to express their sexuality and to choose their own sexual partners. While sex was a part of traditional Native American marriage, marriage was not about sex. Now I don’t suggest we separate sex from marriage I do think it is good for women to take control of their own sexuality and do as men do and decide for themselves when they would like to have sex. I think it is a good behavior for everyone to adopt.
The Hip Hop dating Codes are the core of my Hip Hop Dating advice. This was created in the spirit of a old school Hip Hop DJ who for the lack of a beat machine and musical instruments practiced the art of digging through crates. This was when DJs went to old record stores and Salvation Army spots to find records with good beats and instrumentals to mix them together to make a night of Hip Hop dancing. I simply did the same thing with the existing religions and cultures around the world.
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