Consumed By Deficiencies
I have a standing appointment with my psychiatrist every other Friday. The sessions last for 50 minutes. Just long enough for me to get my point across and work through life’s dilemmas.
I have been seeing her for a while now, so she has a pretty good direct grasp of who I am and what I’ve been through. So you can imagine how baffled I was when she said, “Nicole, you are obsessed with your deficits.”
She thinks I identify too much with multiple sclerosis. But let me tell you, I can’t imagine not identifying with it. It has changed the course of my life. I’m just trying to follow its lead.
I see her for adaption problems. She is teaching me coping skills to facilitate my abilities at dealing with what I can no longer do. Like not being able to walk or drive.
She’s not a big fan of my blogging either. Because I’m constantly highlighting my problems, she believes the blogging is keeping my deficits in the forefront. That got me thinking; maybe this blog does cause me to focus even more on what I cannot do. I hope not, because I really love blogging.
My conundrum is that I disagree with her about my blogging but I still enjoy our sessions. She really does help me through the tough times. She pushes me to believe that I’m more than just Nicole with MS. I’m Nicole whom is an avid reader. I am a regular at my local library. They know me by name. What can I say? I’m a nerd at heart.
I also study Spanish, horseback ride and go to the gym twice a week. She made me realize that all of these things are important and they are bigger than my MS. Because of that, I will continue to see her, even though she is not too crazy about this blog.