Everyone knows what shallow characteristics are but I feel calling physical appearance a shallow characteristic is a misnomer. Shallow implies lower or less important and I don’t want people to think physical appearance isn’t important in choosing a mate or less important than a sense of humor. I prefer the terms internal and external characteristics. Looking at a person’s characteristics separately where you look at what’s on the outside verses what’s they have on the inside allows for a single person to have value for each of these types of important characteristics.
One of the biggest problems in choosing a mate is the higher value people place on the external characteristics of the people they seek to date. Furthermore I think it is the focusing on characteristics like physical appearance and the type of car the person drives or how much money the person has, causes people to enter into relationships and marry people they don’t have a deep connection with. External characteristics are not permanent. People looks change. God may have blessed someone with a beautiful body but age and a lifestyle without exercise will change it. Having a lot of money is an external characteristic that is a big confuser. People date people they don’t even like because of the lifestyle they will live being in a relationship with a person who has a lot of money. Women more than men may date or go on trips with men they don’t like just to go away somewhere nice and they think these activities don’t have an impact on the type of men they meet. Quite the contrary I believe that these are the dating activities that keep people from finding a fun, happy, strong relationship.
So, to help people deal with the surge of shallow values I have compiled a list of tips to help them balance the external characteristics with the internal characteristics.
1. They type of dates you go on. Going on substantive dating activities is one the best ways for a person to get past focusing too much on exterior characteristics. Going to dates in places like art exhibits or cultural programs instead of expensive restaurants allow you to focus more on the opinions each person has about deep moral things.
2. Where you look for or meet dates. You should exercise extreme prejudice when looking for the internal qualities in a person. The first thing you can prejudice is the things they do and the places they go based on their internal values. People mostly do things they like to do. So if you go to places where people who have the values you have and then start to look for people who you are externally attracted you have balanced the two characteristics. You need to explore your own internal values and do things that extend from your own moral and intellect.
3. How you put yourself out there. Showcase your internals. When people think about going out to meet someone they generally think about how they will look. They do their make up, they choose clothes which make them look good. When you only focus on your exteriors the main thing people will see about you are your exteriors. Why not think about the jewelry or what you’re your t-shirt will say. Try not to look too sexy in places where other people aren’t. In addition to thinking about how you look thinking about where you go is also important. Even if you don’t feel comfortable looking for a date and you prefer to have someone approach you go to substantive places.
4. Adjust your own values. Substance attracts substance. So maybe you are really just a party person who likes to drink at bars and dance at night clubs. Maybe all you like to do is get high and have fun. Well, wake up. Everybody has a job. You have to do something to support yourself. Nobody is totally shallow or devoid of morals. If you want to find someone who is more than just good looks and lots of money then you have to become more than good looks and having lots of money. Search your soul and find what you value and what you like that is meaningful in the world. A good way to find your values is to think about the world around us. The problems of the world and the country you live in. Think about the future. Improve your spirituality. Take a class on art. Going to yoga classes for example are not substantive enough. Yoga classes attract shallow people just like the gyms do. You gotta go deeper like a natural health class.
5. Talk to old happy couples. Especially the mismatch couples where the man and woman don’t look like they should be together. Multiracial couples are usually good couple to ask about their relationship. Talking to a couple who has been together for a while usually has a strong time test relationship. When you talk to them ask them about the things they like about each other. Ask them about the things they do together. Old couples where they are both older than 60 have passed the looks and money phase in their lives and more than likely now understand the value of the internal qualities in a person. Only internal qualities hold couples together. Most single people don’t understand the value of internal characteristics therefore seeing the end stages of relationships sometimes puts a life partner’s characteristics into perspective.
Special note to all of my REALLY nice looking ladies who had more men than they could handle I wrote this mostly for you. You’ve probably benefited the most from people placing too much attention on appearance and you may have grown accustomed to it. If you want to get past placing a high value on exteriors then you have to attack the element. You can’t just want it to happen. You are probably still attracting shallow men who just see your body. You may also see all men as body lovers or dogs yourself. You have to push yourself to go out and meet men. Meet all types of men and talk to them. That’s the only way to combat your over emphases on exterior characteristics. Some women have so many curves that no matter what they wear their body will show. You have to combat unbalanced priority or you may never get past the superficials and end up in a shallow relationship or no relationship at all.