“No.” It’s a word that many of us don’t like saying, and even fewer of us like hearing. Yet, “No” is a beautiful word if you use it the right way. A properly placed “No” can open the door to many “Yeses.” By saying “No” to what you don’t want (and what is not good for you), you open the space for the good things in life to come your way.
Here are the “7 Commandments of No” that will change your life.
- Say “No” to Actions that Harm You; Say “Yes” to Behaviors that Liberate You: Say “No” to the bad habits (smoking, excessive drinking, gossiping, procrastination) that are holding you back and injuring your health. Say “No” to stress. Also, develop a healthy daily practice such as walking, meditation, or journaling that allows you to build on healthy and productive actions and behaviors.
- Say “No” to Unhealthy Relationships; Say “Yes” to Healthy Ones: Say “No” when others try to pressure you to fulfill their agenda; when they want you to respond quickly or do what they ask (and it’s not what you really want). Take your time when people try to pressure you (“Why didn’t you answer my text in one minute?”). At the same time, say “No” to complainers, abusers, and just plain jerks who try to control you, manipulate you (make you feel guilty), and hurt you.
- Say “No” to Your Nontalent’s; Say “Yes” to Your Don (God Given Talents): As you develop your “Don,” also try spending less time on your non-preferred abilities. Many times, we try to fix our weak spots, while neglecting our areas of strength. Fixing what doesn’t work often requires a lot of psychological resources—so much that it may not be worth it. In that case, your time and energy is better spent working on the things you’re naturally good at.
- Say “No” to the Competitive Mindset: Say “Yes” to the Mind of Abundance: We live in two worlds. One is the world of competition—If you get that, I don’t. When you believe in a world of abundance—where there is more money, more love, and more happiness everyday—then nothing can limit you. You don’t have to fight other people for what you want because there is more than enough for everybody. To help you develop the Abundance Mindset, try a gratitude exercise: Each day, write down 3 things you’re grateful for (your life, family, career, health, etc.), and see how your mind transforms into one of Abundance, which you receive everything you truly desire.
- Say “No” to Inner and Outer Noise: Say “Yes” to Peace: We have so much noise in the world—both external and internal. In the outer world, technology and media are constantly blasting us with negative news stories of disaster, pain, and misery. There is also the external noise of gossipers, complainers, and criticizers—people whose negative energy is contagious and fill your mind with their loud and empty poisonous chatter. Then, there is Inner Noise—when you incorporate the noise of the outside world and it becomes your own thoughts: “I can’t pay my bills; the economy is terrible. I can’t find anyone to love me. I’m not smart or attractive enough. I’ll getting older and will get sick and die,” and so on. The solution is to recognize these as alien thought entities that are trying to get in your mind—they don’t belong to you. Think of them as unwanted door-to-door salesmen who are trying to sell you something you don’t want. You can simply say, “Not Interested,” and they will go away.
- Say “No” to Fearing Other People’s No’s; Say “Yes” to Establishing Your Place in the World: Although many of us dislike saying “No” too much, even more of us hate hearing the word “No,” especially when it comes to something we really want. If that is the case for you, then you need to claim your space in the world; you need to ask for exactly what you want, whether it’s money, a soul mate, prosperity, wisdom, and the like. Although you may hear “No” at times, you need to realize that each “No” brings you closer to the ultimate “Yes.”
- Say “No” to Your Small Self: Say “Yes” to the Unity of Humanity: Many of our biggest problems in life come because we think too much about our lives; when we worry too much about what will happen to us. The key to happiness is to care about other people—to develop empathy—put yourself in their shoes. A good way to develop this sense of empathy is to ask yourself the question (when you are talking with someone): “What if this were this person’s last day on earth (they’re about to die?)” If you thought that it was their last day on earth, your attitude toward this person would instantly change. If you’re angry at them, your anger would dissolve. If you are envious of them, your envy would disappear. You would see them with more compassion, and you would truly listen to them. You are now part of the unity of humanity, and you have unlimited love and happiness to give and receive.
It seems ironic, doesn’t it? By saying “No,” you are actually saying “Yes,” to all the wonderful things in the universe; all the amazing things and experiences that resonate with who you truly are. By closing one door, you open another (a much better one). Each thing lost or taken becomes an exciting new opportunity for you to change your life. Yes, don’t be afraid to say “NO” to what you won’t want; to what you don’t believe in; to what you want to get rid of. Say “Yes” to what you truly resonate with.